Here’s why I love embarrassing my kids when we get on an airplane
Sometimes, really bad ideas come from watching and reading about things on the internet (don’t eat Tide Pods, kids, and maybe don’t try to eat that spoonful of cinnamon, either).
But sometimes, some pretty amazing things come from online, too. (And I don’t just mean meeting my husband on Match.com back in 1999, although he is tops in my book.)
And usually, my kids are slightly horrified by my “great ideas.” Here’s my latest, and I couldn’t be happier with it. I think dozens of flight attendants will agree.
Coming Up With the Idea
I remember seeing a post in one of my Facebook groups from a mom who took small bags of candy or $5 Starbucks gift cards on flights and handed them out to flight attendants.
As is the norm in an online forum, the comment section was heated. On one side were the people frustrated by being bombarded with seemingly constant requests for tips/tokens of gratitude. I get it. Where do we draw the line for who we tip and who we don’t? Why do we tip at the local coffee shop but not at McDonalds? Do we tip independent business owners providing a service?
The just-as-vocal opponents were cheering for this act of kindness. Anyone who’s been on TikTok or Facebook of late would see the madness that often ensues on airplanes when people lose their ever-loving minds once they sit down in that (cramped) airplane seat. So why not thank the amazing workers who have to deal with them?
I’ll admit: I, too, sometimes get frustrated when the cashier flips around the iPad, saying, “Now, this is going to ask you a few questions. …” But I also try to remember that a little kindness can go a long way.
I’ve been trying to embrace that kindness a lot more lately.
I’m not going to drain my bank account by buying a few bags of candy a couple of times a year, so why not invest in some random acts of kindness — just because?
And so that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the last six months.
Preparing the Treat Bags
I had an overwhelming number of small cellophane treat bags from a craft of my daughters that went abandoned, and I simply filled them with four or five pieces of candy and tied them with a small ribbon.
Sometimes, I do holiday-themed candy and treat bags (I apparently way overbought winter-themed treat bags at Walmart a few years ago and can now finally put them to good use). Sometimes, the candy selection is based on whatever catches my eye at the store. Sometimes, it’s based on my own craving for some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Yes, I include only pre-wrapped candy, and yes, I try to include allergy-friendly options.
Embarrassing My Kids and Thrilling the Flight Crew
I usually take eight bags in my purse — six for the flight crew (for the larger planes) and two extras for those I see along the way.
And then, I offer them when boarding the flight, trading the sanitizing wipe they present me with a handful of gift bags for them to share.
I’ll be honest: The response has been nothing less than amazing. I love seeing the looks of surprise and gratitude on their faces when I hand them their bags.
We forget what those little acts of kindness mean to others, and we sometimes forget what others might be going through when they’re just trying to get through their workday.
I’m not doing this to win brownie points or to get anything fancy (no, I’ve never received a seat upgrade in exchange for Hershey’s kisses), but the smiles and words of thanks have been plenty. It warms me to hear the “Awwwws” and “She did what?” from the galley as I continue down the aisle to my seat.
And if you think the flight crew is grateful for the little extra sugar, the reaction I get from others is just as rewarding. I’ve given them to counter agents checking in heavy bags on early-morning flights and tired-looking souls waiting at the gate with wheelchairs. (Heck, I even had a bag in my purse left over from a trip that I gave to the service agent when I was getting a recall performed on my car.)
My kids (aged 18 and 20) are mostly horrified. They say it’s embarrassing and that nobody trusts to eat some candy that a random stranger is giving them — even if it is wrapped.
Perhaps that’s true. But I’d like to think we haven’t reached that complete level of distrust in each other … yet. And I think I look pretty harmless. Disheveled sometimes, maybe, but harmless. I’ve learned to let them board first, allowing me to deliver the sweets more subtly and not see the eye-rolling that might be going on in front of me. (Don’t get me wrong: I have very grateful, awesome kids. But they just prefer to have as little attention put on them as possible, and these candy bags bring attention in their general direction.)
Making Connections (and I Don’t Mean the Flight Kind)
Whether I’m passing them out on a 7 a.m. flight, where the extra bit of sugar helps the crew wake up or I’m cheerfully handing them their bags on a 9 p.m. after a long day with delays and grumpy passengers — just knowing I’m putting some good in the world is all the reward I need.
Now and again, I understand how much this really matters to people.
On one flight, I was traveling home to my mother’s funeral. She had passed unexpectedly a few weeks before, and I was returning home to help send her off in style. Making the candy bags was one of the last things I felt like doing at the time, but I did it anyway, hoping that brightening others’ days might brighten mine, too.
Later that flight, one of the flight attendants stopped by my aisle seat and knelt down to thank me. He shared with me that his brother had been killed the week before in a random shooting. The flight attendant had debated whether to come back to work, but he knew he had to get out of his apartment — or else he would just sit in his grief alone. Getting back to work was hard, he told me, but at least it put him around other people. We talked about our losses and our grief, and we shared a smile. A burden shared is a burden halved, I think they say. And they’re right.
There’s another adage about us not knowing what others are going through — and that’s also just as true. Nobody would have otherwise known that this flight attendant was putting on his smile for show, while inside, his heart was breaking. Just as nobody knew mine was shattered.
For just a moment, or for at least as long as those Hershey’s Kisses lasted, he knew he mattered and that I saw him and I was grateful for him.
Being Kind Is Easier Than You Think
I’ve continued demonstrating other small acts of kindness wherever I go. Sometimes it means sending a $5 gift card to a co-worker just because I’m grateful for them. Sometimes it’s sending a note to a friend just to let them know I see them and I appreciate them.
How much better might the world be if we all saw each other, asked questions, and expressed our gratitude?
So I might well be very cringe, which I think comes with the territory of being the mom of teenagers anyway. But I’m not doing it to embarrass them or to call attention to ourselves. I’m doing it to put out the positive in the world that we so desperately need today and that I so desperately wish to get back.
And if that’s not a great return on investment of a few dollars in time and candy, then I don’t know what is.
Julia Byrd has been a word enthusiast since elementary school, where she “published” handmade reference books for her school library. With over 20 years of writing experience under her belt, she’s been a copyeditor for an international brokerage firm, a tech writer for a government contractor, and an in-house wordsmith for an event planning firm, just to name a few. Nowadays, she’s a college admission essay writing coach. When she’s not helping students, you’ll likely find her on a quest for the world’s best French Dip sandwich or writing for her personal website. Julia’s got a soft spot for the apostrophe, because, in the words of Imagine Dragons, it’s “a symbol to remind you that there’s more to see.”
Four Birds 